I have decided to make all of Nigella's "basics" in How to Eat as a project.
Yesterday was mayonnaise. It was an exercise in patience, tedium, highs (when things seemed to be working, and I was thinking "this is so easy what is Nigella talking about I AM THE MAYONNAISE QUEEN") and curdled lows. I was incorporating oil drip by mean little drip, and it was taking so long and I started to get cocky, letting it glug into the bowl instead. All was going well for a few glugs, I thought I had been too careful before, too cautious and slow, until... curdled. And this happened more than once.
Nigella says to start with two room temperature egg yolks with salt, beat them for a few minutes and then slowly start adding sunflower oil. I probably got 100ml of oil incorporated (going sloooowly) before it curdled for the first time. Nigella suggests adding a drop of boiled water to fix curdling. It didn't work for me. I started again with another room temperature egg yolk in another bowl, beating. I held the bowl with the curdled mess above the second bowl, allowing the separated oil to drip slowly into the fresh egg. Eventually I moved to spooning the curdled mess in with the fresh egg too, things going okay, confidence increasing again. I then went back to my original jug of oil to continue adding from where I stopped when it curdled the first time. Things going well, oil dripping slowly from jug to bowl. And then... curdled. This time I added another egg yolk, straight to the bowl and beat and beat and beat. It thickened, and I thought okay, I have finally triumphed. Started adding more oil... curdled. Wondering why anyone bothers with this. Another egg yolk, straight in the bowl, beating, beating, beating, beating - finally a thick ointment. Thoroughly chastened, I chickened out of adding any more sunflower oil and started slowly dripping extra virgin olive oil in the ointment. I definitely didn't put enough, stopping with my thick yellow paste. I then beat in salt and lemon juice. The lemon juice lightened it to more of a butter yellow, but it was still brighter in colour than any mayonnaise I've seen (probably because I used so many yolks!)
I've done it now. It tastes good, but man it was not worth the effort.